Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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