Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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