Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
