JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
