dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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