Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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