i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
