Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
