i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize