I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
