I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
