My entire life is one complicated drinking game
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
