i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
