Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to