Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.