Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
