Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.

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(440): tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors. http://tfl.nu/wmwt

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(801): View more from Utah

She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.

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(801): She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid. http://tfl.nu/lqbk

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(818): View more from California

hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win

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(818): hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win http://tfl.nu/nyog

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore

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(781): I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore http://tfl.nu/jp8t

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(269): View more from Michigan

You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

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(269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu

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(716): View more from New York

Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.

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(716): Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten. http://tfl.nu/4lci

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(540): View more from Virginia

we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.

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(540): we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate. http://tfl.nu/t1ac

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(408): View more from California

He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.

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(408): He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0bv4

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.

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(504): He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom. http://tfl.nu/xop2

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship

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(808): I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship http://tfl.nu/z40t

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...

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(814): I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too... http://tfl.nu/zmym

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(716): View more from New York

You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.

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(716): You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night. http://tfl.nu/x8q0

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(407): View more from Florida

Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.

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(407): Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake. http://tfl.nu/hj3n

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.

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(612): My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend. http://tfl.nu/nhy3

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(404): View more from Georgia

Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.

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(404): Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want. http://tfl.nu/ce96

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