Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
