I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize