i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I will die if light touches me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
