i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
