What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
