tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I touched a dick in church today
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