I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The best revenge is premature balding
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
