am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
