I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
