Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
