We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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