i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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