I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
