Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
