It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
