Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
