So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
