She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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