i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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