i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
