i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
