Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
