Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's blow job season.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
