It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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