i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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