I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
