I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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