What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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