Pappa wants mamma naked
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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