If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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