You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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