i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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