I wish I could teleport
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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