i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
