A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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