this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
