is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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