actually, I'm a sock model
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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