you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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