I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
