I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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