You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
