It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
