wanna go halves on a baby?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
