You're my little dorito
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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