Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
