I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
