Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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