dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
