my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
