mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
honey bunches of taint.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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