I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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