I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
