Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
