you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
