Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
