is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
