do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
