thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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