its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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