i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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