he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
