she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
