he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize