i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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