Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
