The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
